We asked our Steps & Stages columnists, Holly Bennett and Teresa Pitman, to distill their 20 top tips from all the wisdom they've dispensed over the years. We think you'll agree — it's a keeper.
1. A few simple rules are easier to follow and enforce than lots of complicated rules.
2. A five-minute warning can save a 15-minute protest.
3. Kids have to obey, but they shouldn’t have to pretend to like it.
4. Crying is not misbehaviour; it’s a largely involuntary expression of emotion.
5. Toddlers don’t know why they do what they do; they are creatures of impulse.
6. Sometimes when kids say “no,” they just need a minute to unlock and reconsider.
7. Notice and appreciate your child’s co-operative and helpful behaviour.
8. A spate of uncharacteristic misbehaviour can be a sign of stress, from hunger to school anxiety. And kids may not be able to identify the underlying problem without our help.
9. Discipline is not about absolute control; it’s about long-term learning.
10. Effective discipline requires an understanding of a child’s individual needs, abilities and personality as much as an understanding of “techniques.”
11. The smallest child is worthy of respect.
12. Hitting people, yelling at them or insulting them is not respectful.
13. The most effective consequences are those that encourage responsibility, restitution and problem-solving.
14. There are times — many times — when a quiet, loving reconnection with a child is more effective than any consequence or punishment.
15. Children need to learn appropriate behaviour; they also have minds of their own and need to learn to use them.
16. Safe, age-appropriate choices reduce parent-child conflict and encourage growing independence.
17. Negotiating with kids teaches them useful assertiveness and problem-solving skills.
18. Giving in to nagging, tears or shouting is not negotiation.
19. Some things are not negotiable. Kids need us to keep important boundaries firm.
20. Our own behaviour as adults is the most important teaching tool we have.
Originally published in Today's Parent, July 2004
Source: Our Steps & Stages columnists offer their best tips for understanding and guiding our children's behaviour
By Holly Bennett and Teresa Pitman
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