Getting Through Tough Times

Controlling Stress

Unexpected income changes are among the moststressful events a person can experience.Unemployment, a disaster, divorce or the death ofsomeone you love can be personally devastatingand can trigger the same reactions.Personal Crises Are StressfulIn a personal crisis, you may feel tense and angry.You may have mood swings and find yourselflashing out at others. Feelings of frustration canlead to family arguments. Or you may feeldepressed and discouraged. These feelings may benormal and common. Other family membersusually share some or all of your emotions, eitherdirectly or indirectly. While sharing your feelingsof loss and despair, they may also have to dealwith your depression, frustration and anger.Allow yourself and other family members toexpress feelings. Don’t talk about “snapping outof it.” This denies the seriousness of someone’sfeelings.A personal crisis may force you to make rapidchanges in your life. It can disrupt your habits andnormal routines and give you too much or notenough free time. Maintain your daily routines asmuch as you possibly can. Try to fill your time insatisfying and rewarding ways.Unemployment may mean you can spend timewith your children, spouse or other familymembers. Work on household projects that youhaven’t had time to do. Read up on a topic you’vewanted to learn more about.Every member of the family feels stress duringtough times. Support and communicate with oneanother. Some roles and responsibilities may needto be changed until the crisis is over. Be flexibleand willing to try new things. Studies show thatfamilies who meet challenges head-on are themost likely to successfully cope with crises.Change can be difficult, but all family membersneed to pull together during a crisis.Take Care of YourselfIn order to better cope with stress, keep your bodyhealthy. Eat balanced meals, get enough sleep andexercise regularly.One approach to coping with stress overload is totake a break from the stressful situation. Here aresome suggestions:Take a walk.Watch a movie.Spend time on yourself — take a long bubblebath or shower.Listen to music.Work in the yard or garden.Work on your favorite hobby, or start a newone.Jog, dance or participate in some otherphysical activity.Another approach is to take action to reduceexcess muscle tension by using relaxationexercises. Although relaxation exercises do notget at the causes of stress overload, they provide aphysical release from tension.ToughTimesControlling StressGTTT-12
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2Learning to achieve the relaxation response is askill that takes practice. Practice the technique atleast twice a day. Follow these guidelines:Find a quiet place.Get into a comfortable position — lie down onthe floor or sit with uncrossed legs.Breathe easily and naturally.Keep muscles loose, limp and relaxed.Easy Relaxation TechniquesBelly BreathingSit or lie comfortably in a relaxed position. As youslowly breathe in, let your belly expand. Think ofit as a balloon filling with air. As you exhale, letthe air out of your “balloon” slowly. Place yourhands on your stomach. You should feel it rise andfall as you breathe.Slower Respiration RateSlow down your breathing rate by seeing how fewtimes you can breathe each 60 seconds. When youbegin to get tense, take a few minutes and simplyslow your breathing down to about three to sixbreaths per minute.Shoulder ExerciseTry to touch your ears with your shoulders. Holdit for a count of 4. Then let your shoulders drop.Now rotate each shoulder separately toward therear. Do each shoulder 5 to 10 times. Then do bothshoulders together.MassageMassage the back of your neck, concentrating onthe part that feels tense. Cup your thumbs at thefront of your neck and massage on both sides ofyour spinal column, letting your head fall limplyback against your rotating fingers. Use yourfingers to massage around your hairline and underyour jaw and your cheekbones.Mental VacationEnjoy the pleasures of a vacation through yourimagination. First, close your eyes and think ofsome place where you would like to be. Then gothere in your mind. Perhaps you will go alone. Oryou might imagine being with someone. You maybe quietly watching the sunset, a mountain, thewoods or an ocean. Or you may be active inhunting shells or rocks, hiking, playing some sportor game, climbing a mountain or cycling. Enjoythe experience.When To Get HelpSometimes things may get so difficult and out ofcontrol that you may need to get professional help.In every community, resources such as the familydoctor, mental health professionals, supportgroups and clergy exist. They can help you dealwith extreme levels of stress and the physical andemotional trauma that often accompany them.The following symptoms indicate a need foroutside help:Feeling depressed. (Some signs are crying forno reason, lack of personal care, feeling as ifyou don’t want to do anything, fatigue,unreasonable fears, inability to concentrate,change in appetite.)Changed sleeping patterns. (Sleeping toomuch, difficulty falling asleep, waking a lotduring the night and too early in the morning.)Abusing family members.Thinking about suicide.Disciplining too harshly.Hallucinating (you hear voices or see thingsthat are not there).Considering separation from your spouse.Thinking of nothing good to say.
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3Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol. (Thiscould be drinking in the morning, hidingliquor so no one knows you are drinking,drinking more than two or three drinks orbeers every night.)Feeling guilty, as though you aren’t being agood parent to your kids.Experiencing isolation. (You don’t knowanyone to talk to and you have a strong needto talk to someone.)Making excuses for your situation or lyingabout your situation.Having attacks when you feel extremelypanicky (may also have high pulse rate anddifficulty breathing).Feeling overwhelmed by life.Before your problems become too big to handle,find a trained, skilled counselor to help you andyour family cope with this crisis. A familycounselor can help you handle your fears, adjustto your present situation, and plan adequately forthe future. Health insurance may help pay forcounseling costs. Some counselors charge on asliding scale — depending on your ability to pay.Your religious leader may provide counseling atno cost to you.For a list of agencies that can help, see the factsheet in this series, Community Agencies That CanHelp.For information on support needed during stress,see the fact sheet in this series, Identifying Sourcesof Support and Friendship.Getting Through Tough Times is a 19-part seriesfor individuals and families experiencingpersonal/financial crises.Contact your local University of Illinois Extensionoffice for copies of other fact sheets in this series.The address and phone number can be found inthe yellow pages of your phone book under“governmental offices - county.”Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914,in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Dennis R. Campion, interimdirector, University of Illinois Extension.Information from Managing Between Jobs: Controlling Stress, by Joan E. LeFebvre, professor, Family Development Department, University of Wisconsin-Extension, Vilas, Forest and Florence Counties. With permission, adapted for Illinois by Charlotte Crawford and Lois E. Smith, Consumer and FamilyEconomics Educators, University of Illinois Extension, 1/94. Reviewed by Kay Mayberry and Cammy Seguin, Family Life Educators, University of IllinoisExtension, 2/99.Copyright © 1999 by the University of Illinois Board of Trustees.Getting Through Tough Times: Controlling StressGTTT-12